Tuesday, June 14, 2005

The Adventures of CB - Chapter 1.

It's not every day that one gets a mystery visitor (pronounced bhijitaar). Even if one happens to be female, and in a predominantly male college thousands of miles from civilization. Moreover, my friend CB is no ordinary female - an invisible cloud of disasters-waiting-to-happen surrounds her, and follows her everywhere she goes.

The last time she had dinner without spilling anything was before she started feeding herself. The last trip she took without forgetting anything was for her vaccination at six months. All her poor friends have juice-stained clothes and squished-between-doors fingers. Her mobile phone holds the world record for kind-stranger encounters. And the Reserve Bank has launched an investigation into why all that currency is disappearing from circulation.

Of course, she doesn't "really do these things, they just happen." Then again, they only happen to her.

Anyway, back to our story. The mystery visitor called on CB at 20:15 one friday evening. Based on eyewitness accounts, SN foyer security cameras, crime scene photos, fingerprints, bloodstains and other forensic evidence, we can now piece together details of the torture that followed.

Mystery Visitor (MV): (CB)
Security Didi: (CB), bhijitaar; (CB), bhijitaar; (CB), bhijitaar;

(long pause)

CB (breathless from her struggle with the door): hi
MV (breathless from his throat drying up in terror): hello

(long pause)

CB: so... umm... who are you?
MV: yeah, hi.

(pause as MV recollects his thoughts)

MV: i'm (MV). the other day i saw you at the other place, and this other guy who was with me mentioned that you were from (place1), and i'm from (place2), so i thought i would say hi.

(long pause)

MV (sweating): No No i don't go around collecting details on all the girls i see. Of course not.

(long pause)

MV: hey do you know (X)? she's in (CB's hometown).
CB: no
MV: what about (Y)?
CB: no
MV: you must know (Z), surely?
CB: nope, sorry

(long pause)

CB: so...
MV (thinking hard): hmm...

(long pause)

MV: so... what do you think of (Ancient Literary Work)? I think the storyline is great.
CB (a little freaked out, glances at exit): dunno... i'm not into that stuff.

(long pause)

CB: so...
MV (thinking hard): hmm...

(long pause)

CB: which hall are you in?
MV (relieved): (Hall)
CB: cool... so do you know (U)? he's in your hall.
MV: uh-uh
CB: okay... (V)?
MV: nope
CB: you must know (W)
MV (/relieved): (W)... hmm... i think so...
CB: he's in your batch!
MV (lying): (W), oh yeah, (W)... he's in my batch! of course i know him.
CB: hmm...

(long pause)

MV (fake grin): wanna go for dinner with me?
CB (eyes rolled up, mouth open, classic CB): huh?
MV (more fake, less grin): errr... are you hungry?
CB: no

(longest pause)

MV: so... when are you going home?
CB: (date). what about you?
MV: me too! how're you going?
CB: my dad's coming to pick me up. wanna come with us?

(medium pause, punctuated by MV's heartbeats)

MV: no... i might be going a couple of days later...

(very short pause)

MV (hurrying to the door): got to go now. nice meeting you.
CB (yelling after him): you too... hey my yahoo id is (YID)... cya online!


But MV's long gone.

The story continues in the next post.