Monday, September 26, 2005


You see, I don't waste ALL my time doing non-technical things. A friend and I have invented an important new process that could be useful in a wide variety of industries. It is an important scientific breakthrough as well, because it enables us to quantify a property previously thought to be unquantifiable.

Application for patent in the Indian Union, under the Patent Act, 1970.

Title: The F'umi Dirty Mind Test

Field of Invention: This invention relates to measurement of the saturation, in a person's mind, of what are conventionally referred to as "Dirty Thoughts".

Background of the Problem and Statement of Prior Art: In many organizations and especially those in the media and creative industries, individuals have to be evaluated on their ability to grasp, and to appreciate, risque humour and other similar content.

Psychoanalysts have devised various tests, involving inkblots or other abstract imagery, or other auditory or written material of an ambiguous nature, and noting the responses of their subjects to these materials, to qualitatively assess the subject. These tests share a common disadvantage in that the results are of a highly subjective nature and cannot be compared across several test subjects.

Summary of the Invention: This problem has been overcome in the current test, which involves telling the test subject a Standard Dirty Joke (S.D.J.), and measuring the time interval between the punchline and the response of the subject.

Detailed Description: The time interval is compared with that taken by a standard test subject, to derive the F'umi Dirty Mind Coefficient, given by

F.D.M.C. = (Tstandard/Tsubject)k

The constant k serves to leniarize the response so that if the F.D.M.C's of two individuals differ by a factor of k, one can be said to have k times as dirty a mind as the other.

The success of the F.D.M.T. relies on achieving a appropriate standard subject. A good standard should have a faster response time than all other members of the population. For this purpose, after a careful selection process, we have chosen an individual, whom we shall refer to as "F'umi", as our standard test subject. Her response time to the S.D.J. is 0.3177 seconds, and this value corresponds to a coefficient of 1 on the F.D.M.C. scale.

Due to the large response time ratio's between F'umi and normal human beings, the liniarization coefficient k has been chosen as 0.2862, based on the statistical analysis of the response times of a large and representative population.

Therefore, tehe F'umi Dirty Mind Formula can now be defined as

F.D.M.C. = (TF'umi/Tsubject)k
= (0.3177 s/Tsubject)0.2862

Several precautions have to be taken while administering the F.D.M.T. to ensure accuracy. The subject shoulod be in a relaxed state of mind and should be free from the effects of stimulants. For accurate results, the standard FDMT joke must be new to the subject; therefore, the joke itself is not being included in this application.

We claim:
  1. A Dirty Mind Test involving comparison of coefficients obtained using the above formula, using response time subsequent to the telling of the S.D.J. and utilizing the coefficients derived for F'umi as standard test subject
  2. A Dirty Mind Test as in claim 1, utilizing coefficients for a standard test subject other than F'umi
  3. A Dirty Mind Test as in claims 1 or 2, utilizing standardized testing material other than the S.D.J.
  4. A Test, as in claims 1, 2 or 3, used for the measurement of properties other than F.D.M.C.
  5. A Test substantially as herein described.
Date: 26 September 2005.

Arvin Deep and Sarfarosh

Abstract: A system for assessing the dirtyness of a person's mind has been disclosed. The test subject is told a dirty joke and the time interval between the punchline and the response of the subject is measured. A coefficient indicating the dirtyness of mind is determined using an empirical relation.

Wondering what CB's F.D.M.C. is? We told her the joke three weeks ago, and she still hasn't figured it out yet.